i just had a very fruitful two hour conversation with amy mommy.

i was just thinking about my life in whole. and how i've been brought up and all.. yes i grew up being a spoilt brat.. i grew up having everything i asked for. i grew up judging people.. and it all boils down.. how you were brought up, will actually play a big part in the way you are now. slowly as time goes by, i realise that i am already turning 18 this year. i cannot continue having my way all the time. i must learn how to control my temper, i must learn to deal things in the right way, i must learn how to give, and sometimes not receive.. i must learn to love selflessly. i cannot be the spoilt brat i am forever. things will not always go my way forever. loving selflessly is going to be hard. it is hard. very hard.. i have to learn that the world doesnt revolve around me alone. there is so much more to life. so so much more. i must learn how to give selflessly. there is so much more to learn.. and i pray deep in my heart, God, please give me the strength to go through this path of learning about myself and life. Lead me not into temptation. Amen.

my sister apologised to me just now before she left my house.. daph, im sorry i was harsh on you just now. i just wanted you to know that things will not always go your way and you have to learn to take responsibilities.. i love my sis. i love her for being so bitchy at times.. cos at the end of the day.. i know she cares. she cares so much. too much sometimes but i still love her.

danny hasnt replied my email. i hope he's okay. Dear God, please bless kor kor as he's in newyork now. its cold now. give him warmth. please grant him wisdom and strength as he starts a new life there. amen. i miss my brother so much i can actually just cry whenever i read his emails. or the messages from him that i stored in my phone. im still trying to cope.. its actually quite hard cos they think im clueless about things.. but the fact is that i knew right from the start what was going on.. am i making sense? and i dont like pretending to be his clueless little sister.. but i have to put up a front.. i wish he could be open with me and talk to me as though im a young adult. *rolls eyes* and not as a younger sister? i miss him dearly. so much. although it has only been a month and a half.. and there are periods of time whereby i dont see him for months, this time its different. cos i know he wont be coming back for a longggg time.

i do not have a good relationship with my eldest bro at all. but deep down i know he cares.. alot.

Dear Lord, i pray for eric. grant them joy and happiness. i pray for my eldest bro. grant us communication. please.. amen.